New parents with a big community in Oakland, CA

Oakland, CA—LNF MINIHOOD PROFILE 01

Carmen and Osman are parents to one-year-old Io.

Deena is a solo mom to eight-month-old Noa.

They live a 7-minute walk from each other in Oakland, CA.

They moved into their respective homes in an existing minihood called “Radish,” which has a unique setup: 20+ friends who all either rent or own homes within a few blocks of each other, and make use of a large communal kitchen and backyard on the largest property.

Minihood (noun): A group of friends or family who rent or buy homes within a 15-minute walk of each other

The following interview has been edited for clarity, but is in their own words.

How did you become a part of your minihood?

Osman: Carmen knew [one of the minihood creators] Kristen. But we didn’t know everyone else, so we became renters nearby and said, “let’s see how it goes.” And then we just loved it.

We knew we wanted to get pregnant, and were looking for houses to buy, but it was a scary time to enter the real estate market. When our friends got the permit to build an ADU on their property, and we were already living near all these people we knew and loved, it just made sense for us. We were a big part of the design process.

Deena: I’m a solo mom, and decided to undertake this somewhat crazy journey when I realized that I had 16 friends having babies in the coming year all in the Bay Area, and thought that if this was ever something I was going to do, now was the time to do it. I’d gone through a breakup and was looking for a place to live, and realized that having community and friends nearby was essential if I was going to have a child on my own. Even a ten-minute drive would be too far. I changed my whole house strategy to be within walking distance.

Deena, what were you looking for in a house?

Deena: It was the height of the market, and ideally I would’ve wanted a 3 bed 2 bath single family home with space for an ADU for my parents in the backyard. I had to make some compromises, and I bought a 1,200 sq ft duplex. It was built in 1910. It has 2 bedrooms and 2 baths, and a little extra room that I use as a nursery.

It’s a 7-minute walk and a 2-minute drive [from the center of our minihood]. Even during difficult times of pregnancy and postpartum, I was always able to take a quick walk and be social without needing to make plans in advance.

Carmen and Osman, you built your house from the ground up. What mattered most to you?

Carmen: It’s almost a tiny home. Under 1,000 feet qualifies as a tiny home, but it doesn’t feel tiny. It’s 900 square feet. We’re able to make a small space work very well. Because we live in a mini neighborhood, we can always borrow the things we may not use every day… like an iron, or a leaf blower, or plastic tables for a backyard party.

Osman: It has amazing lines, and amazing light. Carmen drove many decisions in the house in the architectural sense which makes it feel luxurious despite it being a small space. We have a guest bedroom for when my family visits from Turkey. Since they come from so far away, I want them as close as possible when they’re here.

All three of you are new parents. What’s it been like to share that experience?

Carmen: Deena got her house a couple blocks away, and for both Deena and for us, the right home was the only thing in between us and having a baby.

Deena: When we were pregnant together, Carmen was a little bit ahead of me. It was so nice to share that experience, and to get to talk about our hopes, dreams, and fears. Carmen and I really bond over our mutual love of cooking and hosting. And Osman is the kindest, most thoughtful person who is always there to help. He put together my stroller and high chair. Other friends installed my car seat, and the mural in my nursery. It took a village to get my house set up!

Osman: Now that we have our babies, we’ve realized that trusting someone else with their decision-making is such a relief. There are so many decisions to make about food, nannies, developmental milestones. It’s like sharing notes at college, and I really trust Deena’s intuition.

Carmen: Totally. Deena picked a formula when we were still on the fence, and I said great, done. It relieved us of many hours of research. We watch Deena and our other friends be parents every day, so the trust is very high. Having this front row seat to other parents parenting is very sweet, and really comforting.

And you do a nanny-share together, right? What’s that been like?

Carmen: Deena found the nanny. We interviewed her, but just went on Deena’s recommendation. We were able to just drop in on what she’s already organized.

Deena: Noa having baby friends is so important, she’s learning from others and how to be social. Never too early to learn how to coexist with others! If it’s at my house that day, I wait for Carmen or Osman to drop off Io. Otherwise the nanny will pick up Noa and drive her over, or on a nice day I’ll walk her over in the stroller. As a solo parent, being so close is nice, because even if I’m away or at the office that day, there are so many people around just in case.

Osman: We’re definitely closer, and our kids are becoming something to each other too, as we become aunties and uncles to our friends’ kids.

Carmen: Io recognizes Noa in a way that’s very cute!

Are there any rituals you all have together that you really love?

Deena: Baby happy hour! Any friends in the neighborhood with babies gather after work on Friday with their babies. Parents have whiskey or wine if they want. Kids get some milk, and all the kids can play together while the parents collectively watch them. Carmen makes little cups of steamed milk for the kids as their special drink, and they all have these huge milk mustaches and it’s really adorable. They get so excited to run up to the window and get their special milk.

Carmen: When we built our house, I chose those casement windows that open out. It’s such a signal to the community that we’re open for socialization. Whether that's a latté, an ice pop, a cocktail, or a dog treat. It’s our little version of “make believe.” We put on a soundtrack you might hear at a cute café. Osman puts on an apron and plays barista.

What do you like to tell people about your living setup?

Carmen: The mini neighborhood we live in mimics my hometown, a tiny town of 1,000 people in Alaska, 15 houses around a culdesac that was full of kids. All the kids played together outside everyday. As a kid you knew you were welcome in all the houses, because the adults also knew each other. It’s strikingly similar in spirit with what we have here.

I love how much socialization I get without having to order a Lyft, get a babysitter, and go out. What I get always feels like it exceeds any effort. I feel so socially satiated, and felt that way even as a new mom.

Osman: I don’t know if this is a Turkish thing, but you’d send your kid to the next door neighbor to get a cup of sugar. It’s kind of like that.

Especially with young kids, sometimes you need to be able to leave the baby with someone for 20 minutes and do something. Those are the things you can’t predict, and schedule ahead. Those needs happen in the moment. The community softly cushions all your stresses. When you are dropping balls you’re not dropping them to the floor.

Carmen: There was one early morning where I was a mess. Io wasn’t sleeping, and I was standing in front of my front door looking crazy. And I saw our neighbor, Molly, staring out of her window doing the same exact thing at the same time. There was this other mom also having a hard time, and what might have felt sad suddenly became funny.

Any advice for people who want to build their own minihood?

Deena: A lot of people aspire to it but don’t think it’s feasible. So it takes a brave person or couple to put a stake in the ground and say “let’s do this” or “everybody come”. I’d say: be that person. Or find some co-schemers that you’d want to have dinner with more often than not.

Inspired? Try out Live Near Friends today.